Diary Entry: #01

74c222563e0e90998cbbabd077a3fd94Hey there,

Everyday. Every time. I still think of you.
I miss the old “us” that talk endlessly about things. If only “it” didn’t happen.

I see you everyday. You seem to be doing fine. Me? I’m always wearing a smile. A fake mask. Why? Because the world won’t care. You used to, but now you don’t.

I still remember how you care about me and I thought, I finally found someone who understands me. I became so attached to you, emotionally. I miss the late night talks and how you always give me strength. I remember how I trusted you with my most darkest demons.

And then, the inevitable happen. You got tired. You were not able to fulfill your promise that you’ll be there for me when I needed you. I tried to reach out, but you’re no longer there. I remember begging like a fool, forgetting my pride because i couldn’t bear the pain of losing you. But, you do not care anymore. You prefer to be with the happy ones. I guess you do not find it in me. You no longer find me interesting. You have seen my worse and decided that this is not what you signed up for. Maybe, I did not meet your expectation. maybe, you got disappointed.

I tried to ask you why, but you told me that I shouldn’t let my problems affect me and talk to other people. You know what, I want to. I tried, but I cannot fake myself into the notion that you and I are no longer together. You distanced yourself to me and only talked to me like how you talk to other people. I’m no longer that special and you no longer treated me the same. the change is sickening and I cannot tell you have in pain I am of your indifference.

Because of the experiences I have with people I love leaving me or rather ghosting me, I feel like I’m not that important. I feel like my existence is not appreciated. I trust less and I suspect more — on people’s intentions. I have always been so trustful to people, maybe because I believe there is always good in everyone. But, I am always proven wrong.

But you know what, despite what you have done I still believe that someday I’ll be okay. My wounds will heal just like my previous ones. i will trust and love again. Hopefully not with the same wolf in sheep’s clothing. I will smile my most honest and happiest smile and be the better version of myself, and you will never see the best of me or be a part of that world.

– by Anonymous

for Critical, The Daily Post

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2 thoughts on “Diary Entry: #01

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